Lies, and Goodbyes.
I am listening to Johnny Cash, whom i've discovered recently, and reading about oddly sized dildos in a sex blog, postmodern courtesan if you must know.

Somehow it feels like it should be a sacrilege.

**********

We all lie.

"Nah, it's okay, I don't care."
"Oh hi, 4th great aunt! I've missed you so!"
"I'm okay."
"I know exactly what I'm doing."
"I love you."
"I hate you."
A forced smile.


Oh, we try to avoid it. With sly, writhing, misdirecting words.

"That dress looks fantastic!"
"That was... enlightening."
or a simple, mona lisa smile.


We lie.
We wish we don't have to.
We wish we don't.
It makes me upset. I brood about how fake we are.
I don't know if you'd understand what i'm trying to impart.
I can't find the fancy, impactful words that will convey to you the depth with which i feel this.
And i realise, bombastic, pompous words are little lies too. Little hammers trying to force the point, dressing prettily some fugly nonsensical bullshit.
With the right words, you can sell cosmetics that ruin the independence of communities while touting its empowerment of them.
With the right words, a fictionous pampered patsy of a dumbassed jock can hilariously be an adored hero the world over.
With the right words, you can be such a fucked-up crazy bitch, and pass for a well-meaning sweetheart.
Words are easily abused.
Its just so sad.


And I used to relish the power of it.
Maybe that's the reason people lie.
Give another the power of knowing your too innate truths?


I don't want to blog anymore. I'm more of a private person then I realised, its disturbing when aquaintances talk to me about things i havent told them about yet. And I apparently can't write without it becoming somewhat personal. So much for lighthearted, regular entertainment huh? I brood too much when writing, so why subject people to it, when i know i would yawn, and skip it in an instant?

Good night. And perhaps for now, good bye. Maybe when i am less sunk in disquietude...
This blog will probably be only good for quotes, stories and links i want to remember from now on.
But no, i think i'd try to post chirpier stuff. Like Shafah's slumber party on monday. I'd try get psyched for it. Let's give this blogging thing a proper shot.