Catch a falling star,
put it in your pocket,
save it for a rainy day.


i am sad.
sometimes there seems to be a reason why.
like that bastard.
or school. family. friends.
or heck, the other bastard.

other times, i wonder, too.
i feel like i spent my entire semester in mild depression.
last semester too.
i am Jack's wasted life.
my new friends probably think this is the way i am.
maybe depression is the wrong word.
it is, afterall, a medical condition with all the inherent gee gaws.

i keep quiet.
and when lips are laid together for too long,
it doesn't stay as limber anymore.
a mold of concrete grows over them.
the tongue seems to swell
fat, lazy and thick
til it fills the mouth
and solidifies there.

i am sad.
often, i question my decision to go to mass communication.
ambition aside, i seem to fade more everyday.
i can barely muster the motivation to make my school deadlines.
i know i should be very worried and very driven to make my grades.
so i am.
i have groupmates i cannot let down.
i hate the competitive, manipilative and false in here.
i hold back from their growing camaraderie.
don't ask me why.
i think i may infect people with my sadness.
im not the best company anymore.
i only talk when necessary nowadays
and sometimes, rather sporadically.

maybe i am not sad.
it's not quite right.
i am emotionless.
numb.
yeah, numb.
everything seems to be on mute and a mile away from me.

i remember the loudmouthed, opinionated, cursing bitch i used to be.
sometimes i can still resurrect her for my old friends.
she would think i'm a bloody idiot for publishing this.
and that depression is, really, for attention seeking losers.
she hates depression.

but i don't much care anymore.

hopefully megabitch would be back in full force for next semester because i need her back to deal with that bastard. bastards.